If You Were Just to Look At Me

If you were just to look at me, 
What would you see?
Would you see a girl just living life?
Or would you see a girl whose life had already seemed lived?

If you were just to look at me,
Would you know I had a little boy?
Would you sense the pain behind my smile,
Would you see the exhaustion in my eyes?

If you were just to look at me,
Would you understand the things I had to do?
Would you believe the pain that I endured,
Could you find a single thing I wouldn't have done to protect that little boy?

If you were just to look at me,
Would you know the role I played?
Would you see how I kept him happy--and my family happy, too...
Would you get why I pretended to be okay?

If you were just to look at me,
Would you know that I did it for my baby boy?
Would you believe that I needed him to trust me so my baby boy could have a chance?
Would you believe that I needed my family to think I loved him so they didn't try to tell me there was another way?
Because there wasn't.
Not with a guy like him. 

If you were just to look at me,
Would you see the missing pieces?
Would you sense the broken parts of me?
Would you feel the parts that he shattered?

If you were just to look at me,
Would you know I lost my little boy?
Would you understand the things that I gave up,
Could you see the only thing I cared about was a good life for my baby boy?

If you were just to look at me,
Could you tell that I still cry every day?
Would you see that my heart is broken,
Would you believe it still hurts like it was yesterday?

If you were just to look at me,
Would you know that I just want to be held?
Would you know that I just want someone to love me,
Would you know the I just need someone to there--someone who my story won't scare

If you were just to look at me,
Could you see that I'm someone who is trying to be whole again?
Would you believe that I just want to make memories and be happy, despite all that has happened?
Would you know that I just want to live?

If you were just to look at me,
Would you be able to understand--
Could you sense the unspoken life story,
Would you think something was different?

If you were just to look at me,
Would any of that matter?

If you were just to look at me,
What would you see?