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Showing posts from May, 2020

If You Were Just to Look At Me

If you were just to look at me,  What would you see? Would you see a girl just living life? Or would you see a girl whose life had already seemed lived? If you were just to look at me, Would you know I had a little boy? Would you sense the pain behind my smile, Would you see the exhaustion in my eyes? If you were just to look at me, Would you understand the things I had to do? Would you believe the pain that I endured, Could you find a single thing I wouldn't have done to protect that little boy? If you were just to look at me, Would you know the role I played? Would you see how I kept  him  happy--and my family happy, too... Would you get why I pretended to be okay? If you were just to look at me, Would you know that I did it for my baby boy? Would you believe that I needed  him  to trust me   so my baby boy could have a chance? Would you believe that I needed my family to think I loved  him  so they didn't try to tell me there was another way? B...

To the One Who Loves Me Next

Please be gentle with me, He wasn't always so gentle with me... Please don't lose your patience, I'm trying so hard to make you happy, To be normal, To live as if he'd never hurt me. Please understand, I'm sorry for the things he took from me. Please don't be upset when it's hard for me to trust, Or when I struggle to believe certain things.  Please don't get confused at the anxiety attacks brought on by the simplest of things. Please just know that I'm scared,  He scared me, But I'm trying. I'm trying to work through it. Please just be patient with me. I know you won't know what to do; I had a son, A son who was adopted, And I still cry every day because I miss him, and it hurts, And I know you'll have no idea what to even think. I know I carry baggage, But please don't let that change the way you view me. I'm just a person, One who loves to laugh, One who wants nothing more than to find happiness in life. I just want to love...