To the One Who Loves Me Next

Please be gentle with me,

He wasn't always so gentle with me...

Please don't lose your patience,

I'm trying so hard to make you happy,

To be normal,

To live as if he'd never hurt me.

Please understand, I'm sorry for the things he took from me.

Please don't be upset when it's hard for me to trust,

Or when I struggle to believe certain things. 

Please don't get confused at the anxiety attacks brought on by the simplest of things.

Please just know that I'm scared, 

He scared me,

But I'm trying.

I'm trying to work through it.

Please just be patient with me.

I know you won't know what to do;

I had a son,

A son who was adopted,

And I still cry every day because I miss him, and it hurts,

And I know you'll have no idea what to even think.

I know I carry baggage,

But please don't let that change the way you view me.

I'm just a person,

One who loves to laugh,

One who wants nothing more than to find happiness in life.

I just want to love and be loved in return.

To the one who loves me next,

Please just hold me.

Please just tell me everything will be okay.

Please just make me feel safe.

I know my past shouldn't be your problem,

But I just want to genuinely be loved,

For someone to care about what's happened,

To want to know why my heart hurts so badly,

And to want to be there with me through it all.

I know it's hard,

But please just accept me.

Please just be my best friend.

Please just love me through the good and the bad.

To the one who loves me next,

Please,

Just love me.